Ending the Sunrise
by Nefarious Red
Summary: Twenty years have gone by since the tragedy that turned Bella; Victoria's hunting grounds and Bella's spite of Edward. After finishing University of Alaska, she re-encounters Carlisle and the rest of the Cullen's from her newest job; Will she give in so easily to Edward's arms, or will she struggle to find what is right for her - And right for them.
1. Chapter 1 - Reconnecting

_Chapter 1_

_Reconnecting_

**T**wenty years.

For the past twenty years, I've been living.

Falling in love, losing, then falling in love again.

Losing once more,

Gaining more,

Losing everything I knew,

Gaining some back.

I,

was in control now.

College was breeze in this state; A breath I could consume without the ache in my throat wanting to combust my body in whole. Each book would have sunken into the depths of my memory within a matter of minutes – Each concept, forming with ease. I never lacked the time, either. With restless hours for reading, studying, practicing, I was University of Alaska's top student. With nothing to distract me; Family, friends, love, I found life peacefully in the rural spread of Alaska. My tiny apartment over-cluttered with books ranging with biology to anatomy.

Finally, I had gotten the official 'okay' on my newest work place; Greene Hospital. Just a thirty minute ride from University of Alaska, I was grateful to stay in the area. Everything was perfect here; Small enough so no one knew who I was, and the perfect area for hunting.

My golden eyes were bright today as I gazed into my reflection, fresh from my recent hunt – I needed to stay on top of it in order to maintain a healthy relationship with the newest patients. My newest department would be trauma, working with the most unstable patient's in the field. I knew I had the control to do it, yet I worried. The girl in the mirror read all my worries; Yet, it gave me the confidence to find the truth. Straightening my back from my hunched form over the bathroom counter, I placed my hair with the final pin – Oh, everyone would be proud to see me now.

My body had curved over the last couple decades; I was certain the vampirism had much to do with it. I had decided on slim slacks and a maroon button down; which had the first three buttons undone, exposing the small cleavage that expressed my breast. My sexuality was reformed; I was no longer the weak girl that everyone knew, I lacked the lamb appeal that everyone would have labelled me in my past life. I was lion; Prepared to strike for every needing moment.

I toed into my Louiboutin's, the red bottom was always a crowd pleaser for most – Especially me. The way I looked now was my prime, my peek of discovering this was me. This was the girl I was destined to be. The vampire with the sexual prowess of a lion. Yet; Even I laughed at this, a small chuckle releasing from my lips. I had not even experienced sex in this life to claim such a title – But here I was, the queen of sex on legs.

Snatching the keys from my kitchen table as well as my purse and lab coat from the hooks, I bolted to my driveway. The seclusion of my condo met perfectly with me; No one saw me doing my morning rituals, and no one saw me coming home a ravaged mess from the hunts. Pressing the starting button on my keys, my white Mercedes purred with eagerness. Fresh from the car wash, she looked stunning in the vast arena of snow around us – Blending in so well except for her black accents.

I practically dove into her, spilling myself into the driver seat and sighing contently. My body fit perfectly into the leather seats, and my hands fit perfectly under the ridges of the wheel. I missed my beauty of a car – And I zoomed into reverse and sped off. Her power was unmatched as well; Weaving her way into the streets, intersections, and passed the townships that I'd pass along on the drive. The wood work that made Alaska, Alaska, would be my home for years to come.

_\- o -_

The hospital was more small than I had expected; But, even I knew that was a good thing. Though bustling with people from many cities, considering the rural of Alaska was so sprawled – Hospitals were limited. I shrugged into my white lab coat, my name insignia written on my left breast pocket with the logo of Greene stamped beside it. I found myself beaming a sultry smile once I made my way into the back space of my new, second home.

I was greeted by numerous people – Mostly men – whom would tell me welcome, then disappear with my name on their tongue. People truly lacked the judgement of character, and the need for less workplace rumors. But humans, would be humans. The way they'd gaze at me; They knew I was destined to be their evening slut – Yet, it created a small chuckle from my lips. I was designed to kill them, that was the dramatic irony of these people.

"Dr. Swan!" A familiar voice peaked my attention, causing my gradually turn. A smile would begin to tug at my lips as I realized whom it was; Ashley. She was a Registered Nurse here whom had helped much during my 'transition' here. "It's so nice to see you, do you need a run down on your schedule? Did you find your office okay?"

I could see the submissive action within her blue eyes and cherry cheeks – Even she knew better than to fuck with me. But, I gave her a gentle smile, seeing the look dissipate from her eyes, drawing into my sweetness. "I was just heading there now, actually." I began, my finger tips grazing the hemline of my pockets before sliding there way in. "Care to join me? I would enjoy a run down on the schedule along the way.". Ashley took keen to it, rushing beside me as she pulled out my name on her blue tablet. It was almost insane how much the medical field had advanced. She began her humane ramble, explaining each patient that was already docked in and any events today that would take place. A biking marathon would, she explained. The known accidents within them would often bring them here, some for check ups, others for surgery.

As I finally arrived at my office, I gave Ashley the right to leave so I may gather my notes then make my way onto the floor. She scrambled off; A master giving orders. It almost seemed cruel, but what was I to do? Opening my office door, I sighed. The walls and desk laid bear except for the necessities; A medical dictionary, an Apple Computer, a printer, and a few other things. My mind ran with eager anticipation. My first day on the job – Not exactly, - and I was standing in my own office.

My mind was only interrupted by the soft knock upon my door. Already? I thought to myself, but announced for them to enter. Not yet facing the door, I peered out the window of my office, which looked down into the patient's court yard. "Yes?" I spoke curtly, but with a delicate tone. The way my fingers would extend with each pronunciation until curling back into a small ball.

"Ms. Dwyer, I had yet to introduce myself." A voice, which I had heard in decades, began to fill my office. It startled me, a quivering breath intake as I whipped around to see who it was; And their face met their voice.

_Carlisle_.

"Carlisle?" My brows furrowed as I met his golden eyes; He hadn't changed a bit, as I had expected. But, it was the reopening of old wounds. Wounds I was sure I had buried into a past life – Or thought I did.

His eyes showed his own shock, his mouth hanging agape but then recomposing himself. "Isabella Swan," He spoke with a smile – Knowledge of something I had yet to discover. "How nice it is to see you again."


	2. Chapter 2 - Fallen

_Chapter 2_

_Fallen_

"_He_ left years ago," I screamed out, my fist balled up as I locked my eyes on the Red Head, Victoria. Laurent smirking behind her, his arms crossed over his chest – I thought he was on our side?

It was the first time in two years I had seen him, two years since I heard his voice.

_"Save yourself."_

His voice startled me; His golden eyes were the same as they were all those years ago, still pouring the same remorse, the same distance they had when he left me. Edward, my lips parted to choke out his name – but I knew better.

"You think he _cares_ if I die? He wants me gone – So do it, Victoria." I shouted across the field, watching her teeth bare and nostrils flare. My body was trembling, my heart pounding as I posed off a fake bravado. Then, she lunged for me, flying across the field – But not before I heard the roar from behind me. Jacob.

His brown suit of fur came charging in; Close enough to a knight in shining armor. He had her in his grasp, throwing her across the field. But, even I knew better.

"_Jake_!" I cried out, watching her bolt across the field back to him; the battle between the two was like watching dust fly – Memorizing, but complicated. It was when the dust settled and the figures were frozen when I realized,

The fight of two became an attack on one.

Laurent's tall figure hovered over Jacob's paralyzed body – Which released a cry that echoed through the meadow – and tore his jaw straight down. His crimson eyes were ablaze with hatred. They mocked Victoria's similarly, but she had another way to end this.

I fell to my knees. My Jacob. My friend. My_ lo_\- Boyfriend.

We had barely made it a month into a relationship. We had barely had a chance to proclaim our love other than the platonic one we had for all these years. Jacob was dead. My only friend, was gone. The ground felt warmer than I expected, but Victoria's cold hand changed this quickly. Grabbing my arm, she threw me to the tree behind me as if though I was just a mere rag doll. I felt my spine crack, perhaps it wasn't broken but it was aching terribly as I groaned in pain, rolling over into a ball.

"I'm going to make you feel the pain James felt," She hissed into my ear, her hand pressing down onto my chest. I felt one – two – three ribs crack under her pressure, piercing my lungs as I gasped out – My eyes locking to hers. "I'm going to ruin Edward's life, just as he ruined mine. You deserve to live knowing he _didn't_ _want you_."

Then the pain started.

It would spread from my shoulder the way water bleeds through paper – Quickly. There was no words to describe the pain. The confusion. The lost of who I was at this very moment as my vision began to fade; The sound of wolf's howling and screaming disoriented me only further.

I remember their voice speaking my name, telling them it would be Jacob's desire to leave me behind.

I was changing and I knew I'd wake up alone.

I could feel his cool hands hold me, at least I thought I did, as I felt my blood boil. My flesh catching fire as I washed way into a sea of darkness. I barely heard sounds now, the soft shaking of the trees around me would be my closest thing to a lullaby. I hoped to hear him; Edward. To hear him reassure my life wasn't coming to an end. That'd he do what he knew was right – Pulling the venom out from my blood stream before it spread too far in.

It almost ended in tragedy, however.

A part of me wished Jacob was here, to free me from this pain. I knew he loved me – But he loved the tribe more. I don't blame him. I was a tragedy, still broken from the days Edward first left. I was broken China as someone once put it; You try your best to protect it from breaking, but they are too frail to be dropped. You can try to piece it all back together, but the shards would know the difference.

I felt like I had shards all over the place.

Then, I slept. My eyes, struggling to see anything but the twilight that had immersed itself over the blue sky. The tree branches dangling ahead showed the winds gust weaving through them. This, was a good way to die, I suppose. I knew I wasn't dying, though. I knew I'd wake up in day and relinquish my thirst. I wondered if Alice still saw me coming.

I wondered if they watched me die.

The abyss of darkness finally subdued me into it's ocean – Caressing me over it's waves as though I was a faint piece of sand, just trying to make its way across. I wish the pain had felt more like laying on waves; instead, it felt like the scorching fires of lava causing my skin to peel away. The burning sensation in my throat would corrupt me, I could feel this ache down to my toes – Urging me to feed. But, I still had no control. My body was paralyzed to me – My mind open, trying to recharge all the lost senses, but failing miserably.

I wasn't sure how it came to be this way, sadly. I had come to Forks in the sake of my mother and to spend some time with Charlie. I never intended to fall in love with a vampire. Nor a werewolf. I never intended for Edward to leave me in the first, almost year of our relationship. I wasn't sure why I still yearned for him. You'd think, after the pain and the constant contusion of my heart, I'd move on. Yet, an unspoken part of me hoped to find him again. I still loved him deeply – More than I had hoped. The unrequited love left me stranded here in this meadow. Our meadow. It's beauty had matched the love we had began to form when we first met, it's tall, green grass and purple flowers left me speechless every time.

Now, it was cold, browned, and empty.

I had hoped to find a piece of our love here. A piece of his supposed love. His words never matched the emotions I had contained for such a perfect being. He claimed to have felt the same, that no words or time would ever be enough –

He lied about that too.

_**\- o -**_

I didn't think it'd end as fast as it did.

Time goes by fast when you lose track, I suppose.

I could finally begin to feel my nervous system take control of my body once more, my muscles spasm in response to the new found electrical circuits of neurons as they course through me. Time going this fast yet so slow seemed impossible. I struggled to comprehend the way my body felt. As I was drawn back to the shower, I knew I had been mangled, dirty, but the sea's water would wash ashore and clean the dirty sand from my body, leaving me a beauty on the beach.

I felt the ground as I regained my touch. The way the wind breezed over my body, as though I had been one with the ground. I could finally curl my fingers into the dead weeds on the ground below me, digging my fingers into the dirt. This, however, felt different. As those I could feel every individual speck of dirt as I dug my fingers deeper. I began to feel my toes too, now. They curled tightly, then extended in the confines of my converses. All my sense were heightened – I could the way the bird scratched with it's talons along a tree branch, the soft sound of bugs crawling beside my body.

I was a disembodied experience, that I somehow was tasting only a drop of.

I began to feel the strength of my leg muscles rejoin my body, the same for my arms, and neck. It felt so extraterrestrial, as if this body never belonged to me and I simply, was the host. I could feel my body begin to flex with newness, almost as if I awoke from a surgery with new body parts. I could hear the sea begin to fade, feel my eyes begin to regain consciousness as they swam back to the top, peeling away at my eyelids till I finally saw the sky above me.

Gray, from the cloud cover.

I took in my first breath, trembling as I began to sit up.

My eyes darted across the meadow – Making sense of my new eyes. Everything was suddenly sharpened, as if I had been taking photos with a throwaway Kodak camera and replacing it with a stunning Canon. I could see everything, every small detail. I watched as a small grasshopper across the field leaped and caused the smallest arise of dirt to kick back. Details I would have never noticed as a human. I felt each breath inhale, and exhale though not necessary. It was almost too much to bear – So, I stopped breathing.

I could feel my body urging to stand on it's feet, but practically flew me up in response. I gasped at my speed; Almost shocked as I regained my balance. I dusted my body off of dead grass and weeds and looked ahead. I didn't know where to go, what to do. Realizing I couldn't go home, Charlie would freak out from seeing me as this. I knew my eyes would be crimson; At least that was what Edward explained to me. I began to walk across the field, almost aimlessly as I dragged forward, then began to pick up pace. I almost wished my heart was still pounding in my chest – Maybe then I could consider my speed. I felt my legs moving faster and faster till I found myself weaving through the wood's thread.

I felt everything. The wind, the moistness of the air, the way everything around me lived.

I was a vampire, while excited to learn of my newest life style – An ache in my chest would begin. I couldn't see Charlie anymore. Nor Renee. Nor anyone I knew. Jacob, the only person who could possibly help me, was dead. Everyone I knew would eventually be dead.

My sped began to drop, slowing as my mind ran amok in fear. I wasn't sure where to go anymore. I felt my dreams all die, my mind draw blanks in this state. All were vanishing as though they had places to be. I fell to my knees, grasping the dirt as I felt my heart constrict in my chest. It was all over. Everything I once knew was far gone. I couldn't figure out where I was. Where my thoughts lied, where I was to be.

My eyes laid in front of me, dragging across the mosey floor to the never-ending forest in front of me. Nothing could save me at this point; I was on my own.

I had to learn how to live alone. Live without friends, family, love. All those things became nonexistent in my head – How did it all come to this?

For a moment I wish I could cry.

I wished to find more to this life than aimless walking. Lack of care. A part of me needed to find something to live for. The Cullen's had their family, their mates. Edward had always called me his will to live after his century of living in this state – It was a shame he had walked away so easily. I knew finding purpose wouldn't be easy. Finding a will to live, with no one behind me, would be a struggle. I found myself begging for Edward's ghost once more – But, realizing that my new mind wouldn't allow for such foolishness.

I needed to find a will to live. Not living each day as I did.

Victoria was right, this was a very good punishment.


	3. Chapter 3 - Pretending

_Chapter 3_

_Pretending_

I needed more time to process this. To process him standing here, to process that for the last twenty years I had been allowing Edward to fade off my mind – Now, I felt like I had no direction. Lost, once more. My eyes lock onto Carlisle as he clicks the door knob to lock, turning to face me with a somber smile. Even he could see my tension.

"How are you liking the profession?" His voice rolls out of his chest, filling the room with his tender voice that I had almost forgotten. He was trying to construct small talk – It was only fair to corroborate. I nod slowly, giving him a bleak smile – I wasn't sure if I could speak but tried, croaking out my words.

"It's different – It provides me a sense of control."

"It is a very difficult profession to be in, considering." He gestures between us, sighing but walking to my desk, setting down some paperwork. "Here's a listing of all of our common patients. They're usually the more important patient's in the triage except for the trauma cases. We get those every other day or so – Especially holidays and events, such as the sledding event that is happening in a few weeks. We tend to try and keep can out in advance."

Leaning forward, I nod, glancing over the paper of names, set with their medical conditions and allergies. But, one thought lingers. They were here, _he_ was here. Carlisle had barely changed, still the same man I had met all those years ago. Striking blond hair and topaz eyes, his features were frozen in their place as though he was made of porcelain. I wondered if the rest had changed at all – I wondered if Edward was still the same man I had met. I wondered if he still carried himself the same way, if he still played the piano, if his eyes still alleviated whenever I stepped into view.

I wonder if he still loved me the same.

"Thank you, Carlisle." I said curtly, allowing the thoughts to disappear from my mind. I could feel his eyes watching me, trying to figure my thoughts. Figure out what exactly I was thinking of in response to this… sudden meeting. My eyes skimmed the page to the bottom, then slowly they made their way back to the top – Then to Carlisle's eyes.

"Bella," Rising up to a normal stance, he smiles. I could see in his eyes now that he felt the same, lingering thought. "I hope you've been well."

The simplicity of his words were what surprised me the most. He had already easily accepted my being here – No rash words, no hugging or loud commotions, just simply, he was happy I was well. My voice caught in a lump in my throat, shocked by the softness of this conversation – But almost grateful. I wasn't sure if I could handle a big commotion, the mention of the rest of the Cullen's, or even an explanation of what has happened in the last twenty years. How I came to be… this.

Not trying to feel where my voice was I picked a pen up as though to look like I was doing something – But I found myself fumbling the pen till I dropped it on the desk, watching it fall off onto the floor. He chuckled, shaking his head. I wasn't usually like this; I wasn't so uneasy, so lost. I felt his hand on mine, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"Bella?" His voice fades into my ears, almost as though he had been saying it over and over – But, I swore this was the first I heard it. I found my wide eyes on his. I knew how I looked; like a frozen deer stuck in front of headlights.

I wish I was the deer getting hit right now. It'd save me from this confrontation.

"Yes?" I croak, yanking my fingers away from him – Watching his face fall.

"Are you alright?"

_Am_ I alright?

No. I wasn't alright. I felt as though everything I created in the past twenty years has crumbled – Nothing to guide me through this very moment. As the walls began trembling down, I open my mouth to speak, but I found nothing. Everything came flooding back into me. I was one with the beach once more. The waves crashing into my civilization, my border walls. This sea of chaos was bringing me back into the world that I wasn't sure I had destroyed – Or simply had blocked from my view.

"Carlisle," I force out, straightening myself out. I couldn't let him see me break from his simple words – It would only make things harder for me. For us to work together. "I think… It'd be best we were strictly coworkers." I kept my eyes from his, darting around my desk in avoidance of those topaz eyes. Though Carlisle and Edward were nothing related, their eyes mimicked the same kindness. The same sort of calmness I wish I had maintained. Or, well did maintain until five minutes ago.

"Of course, Bella."

"Isabella." I snapped in reply, but realizing my harsh tone was unnecessary I shook my head and sighed, "Please, call me Isabella, Carlisle." I breathe out. Finally, I brought myself to look Carlisle back into his eyes, giving him a faint, somber smile. He returns it quietly, nodding at my request.

"Isabella," He corrects. "I look forward to working with you." Carlisle finally turned away, almost leaving this relief in my chest as I watched his back go to the door. But, a lingering thought came to my mind. I had to ask, about him.

"Carlisle –" I choke out, leaning over my desk in urgency. He glances over his shoulder, the same smile residing on his lips. I felt like a teenager, begging for an A on a paper. It was so _foolish_ to ask – But a part of me knew if I didn't I'd always be stuck with the idea that I hadn't. I could feel his eyes on me, burning through my skin, _oh._ I realized that even twenty years later, I could still feel Edward's haunting eyes watching me – Though he hadn't been near me in so long.

I wish I was never his. That I gone back to Florida with my mother when I had the chance. It was almost a serenade of romantic music that lead me to a rise of hope – Then only to be buried alive. Carlisle's body turned fully around now, dragging me out of my head then putting me back into reality.

"How is he?"

_You're stupid._

"He's well." Carlisle automatically knew whom I was talking about. His eyes soften from my crazed expression – He knew everything from my life as a human was rushing into my head as though I had just experienced them yesterday. Every touch. Every word. Every kiss.

There was not another word spoken; The silence giving Carlisle the cue to leave. I watched the blond man begin to leave – But pausing as he reached the door. His head turned back to me; His eyes read it all. The pain that persisted within him about his son. My unbeating heart would clench in my chest for his hurt. "He… Struggles."

Those words undid me as easily as they sewed me back up.

A part of me battles to understand Edward's conflict – But, _that_ was his own fault. An onslaught of rage pillaged through me – dismantling any pity or sorrow I had held, destroying every castle of emotions, and watching the soldiers of my memories pour out. Each badly wounded and surrendering their broken swords. I haven't been to this castle of tall walls in decades – I had built it from the ground up for a reason. Every soldier made to over watch my memories; Now they laid broken, beaten. I knew this was my own fault – Locking them up with no means of survival, for their only way to survive was to pour out of the walls with means of surrender.

I had killed my own kingdom, just by locking up my memories – But there wasn't time to save the wounded.

"That's too bad." I snap out, the whip of my tongue lashing and cracking in his direction – Causing his face taken aback by my harshness. But, I wasn't sure what he expects. Edward _left me_. Why should I care? Should I care? I wasn't sure. All I knew was that the sound of his name made me want to scream – Slam the walls with frustration, hell, it made me _afraid._ And I wasn't sure why.

"I understand, Bella." He speaks softly as I watch his lips curling back between his teeth as he nods. "I… I am sorry for Edward's actions – On his behalf." I could understand Carlisle's sorrow. His need to stick up for his son. That was Carlisle at his finest – and as kind as that was, it wasn't an apology I could accept from him. I rose my hand, affirming this was the end of this conversation.

"Dr. Cullen – I will be sure to contact you in regards to anything I need."

The words were so easily said, pouring from my mouth as though they were honey – But, I wish I could have held them back, at least some. Carlisle gave me a simple nod, then turned his way out the door for the final time and escorted himself out. The click of the lock setting into place was music to my ears as I collapse back into my chair and flew both hands into my hair.

_What a fucking mess._

The images of Edward suffering were terrible – The idea of him being broken was enough to erupt a choke of a sob from me. I hadn't thought about Edward this way since I had… I had…

My mind eases from the though, shaking my head to interrupt myself as I bury my face into my hands, my thumbs gliding from my jaw, over my cheekbones, to the bridge of my nose. My insufferable human life was beginning to catch up to me – And, I wasn't sure if I could keep up. I thought everything was washed away – Gone with the dark sea of my tantalizing agony of my life with Edward. Every moment before then, I only saw through my dim, human eyes. Everything after said life, made sense. But, it seems like Edward kept returning to me – Clouding up every sense as he did in my human life. I wasn't sure if I could give him the satisfaction. I wasn't Isabella Swan anymore.

I left her buried in the meadow back in Forks. Her body and mind would haunt the remains of our broken life, our broken relationship, the dismantled emotions that had ravaged through Isabella through that tough time. I wasn't the same woman anymore – I had grown past those childish ideas. I_ thought_ I had moved passed my love for Edward. It all seemed so chaotic; Him loving me, me loving him. We were from two different worlds – While that held a different meaning in my human life, it hung true even now. Edward was in love with the idea of being with me, it seemed. But, he didn't have it in him to stay.

I was willing to fall from the heavens for him. I would have been willing to wait my entire existence for him – But, he wasn't mutual on the interaction. Though Carlisle tried to propose otherwise, it meant little to nothing unless his actions bared otherwise. He left me stranded, left to fend for myself. To regain my trust, my love, my own self-loyalty. I had completely forgot that I had existed and allowed him to completely eclipse me. Edward was my moon – he had orbited me so well, so perfectly. We worked in sync. Until, he covered everything with darkness.

I couldn't live like that.

The soft buzz of my pager forced me back into my reality. My pleas for it be altered just enough for my life to be the way I wanted had not be heard - Pity.

_**-o-**_

The door to my home was a gladly received surprise. If it was a person, I would have leapt into their arms and swung myself in glee. I stripped myself of jacket, throwing my bag onto the coffee table before slouching deeply into the hold of my couch. This hold was much needed; enveloping myself into the confides and enjoyment of finally being alone in my home.

The day hadn't been to hectic, thankfully. I don't think I could have done much more than simply strep throat cases and the occasional stitch. I had saw Carlisle's golden eyes more than I had wanted to, almost as though they were haunting me. I only saw _him_ the minute I reflected on those thoughts – And it was too much to bear. Yearning to leave my memories elsewhere, I had buried myself into each patient that came through until the hospital forced me leave.

I stare at the ceiling above me, curling my fingers into the stitched hem of detail along my couch – Groaning out loud in frustration.

Why does he always have to come back?

Just when things seem to lighten up. When things begin to be normal for me, he would come back. My anger at him was a tad misled – Perhaps I needed to consider his views? But, doing that would only make me fall victim easier. I felt like a toddler throwing a fit over something they could not control – And I had every right to.

I was getting over Edward. Each day dragging along. The gapping hole that had consumed my chest was gone – Though the scar of it's being there was still a present reminder of the burned out relationship. I had been able to get the sun back into view, and 'persuade' the moon to stay from my vision. Everything had been leading along fine, my life without him and the Cullen's had become bearable. My life without Jacob and my family had been left in my human memories – The love I had for them was full of human emotion. It was odd that only my passionate emotions had carried in; Reading, writing, science, and studying…

Edward too.

I had been so transfixed to him in my human life, and it so easily carried over. I had plead over and over for there to be a way to rid of the corruption that was our relationship – Yet, everything remained unheard until I walked over it, uncaring for it's presence. It was the only way to live.

A part of me wondered how he lived with himself.

Was he still in love with me? Transfixed and full of passion as he was before he left? Did he still think of me – As Carlisle proposed.

I could imagine him; His bronze hair, hanging into his eyes with a somber look residing. His thoughts lingering of me the way mine would of him. I would assume he'd remember every moment with great intensity – As most vampires did, I imagined. I was curious to know what he did to numb the thoughts.

Perhaps, I was the last thing on his mind.

Forgotten and laid to rest in the woods twenty two years ago, just as he had wanted it. Maybe, he found someone new. Found his true mate and love for the years to come – Perhaps, I was the phase of his human love. I couldn't think of him, however, finding someone else. The idea was too painful to bear in this moment. Vaguely, I could think of a time when I had come to terms with this. When Jacob and I finally found some peace within one another to begin something.

I knew then he may have moved on. I was beginning to forget, until I ran into Laurent and Victoria. A part of me wished I could take back the need for adventure – That I could rewind and move back home with Charlie. Fall back in love with Jacob. Do everything over again.

The stronger part, however, was grateful for this new life.

I just had to find out how to live with the lurking variables.

Edward.


End file.
